My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
