No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize