Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Randomize