with your own penis?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
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