If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
