so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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