My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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