Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you didnt know i had herpes?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
