Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
you had me at cake vodka
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
