And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
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