The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
