How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
