im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize