i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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