I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
