Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize