What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
