i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
