i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
