Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
