If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Randomize
