I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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