how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
