is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Do vagina's smell?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
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