I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
