I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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