Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I met the friendliest cop last night
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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