Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
