don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
