those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I feel great
I just peed on a car
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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