apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
