Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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