Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
