I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Randomize
