it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
