I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
