ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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