walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
3pm strippers are depressing
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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