I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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