So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
