I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Randomize
