she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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