we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize