I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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