Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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