dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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