then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
