yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
