I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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