I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
