sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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