If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
