Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize
