Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
