Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize