Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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