Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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