i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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