Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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