Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
