I smell stomach acid.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
