is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
