We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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