he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize