dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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