Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Randomize
