Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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