ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
