yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
