Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
