she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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