My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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