And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
