Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You brought string cheese to the strip club
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
